Exploring possibilities for coping with dilemmas
When our narratives about self are interrupted by unexpected events our sense of confusion can originate from the lack of relevant beliefs in our self theories. For example, a few years ago the Fire Brigade ran an advert on the television to encourage us to work out a couple of escape routes from our homes. This involved creating possible escape routes, evaluating their suitability and then, as a family, deciding on a downstairs and an upstairs plan which we would employ in the event of a fire. The Fire Brigade recognised that in an emergency the suddenness of the situation, accompanied by fear and alarm make it more difficult for families to suddenly create extra storylines that contained suitable information for, ‘what we do in a fire’.
In a similar way when we encounter unexpected events we attempt to make sense of them within our existing self theory or story of self but it may not be sufficiently elaborated to provide us with much guidance. Jarvis describes this experience as disjuncture while Mezirow called these situations disorienting dilemmas. In psychological terms the range of our construct system is not equipped to deal with the situation and we feel disoriented and unable to find a way forward. Disorienting dilemmas frequently involve identity issues such as, Who am I now? What should I do? What will my life be like? Who will my friends be? How is this going to work out? Can I cope with this?
What these questions reflect is the lack of relevant beliefs that would help to frame the unusual event and to provide a sense of understanding of the situation and to indicate possible ways forward. Consequently, we are disoriented for a while until we are able to identify which questions we need to ask, find viable answers and then consider possible ways to move forward. Coaching sessions to explore possibilities for resolving dilemmas facilitates the work of assimilating the new event into our life stories.
Coaching sessions can be held by video conferencing if this is more convenient (using Skype).